The new journey to the end of my life. That sucks big (wonking wangy dangy how many cuss words can I fit in here) ones.

This may be what I rename this blog. Life has taken a turn for me, a big of fucking bad ass captain breast cancer part 2 defeatous and kill me now turn.

My ramblings, photos and such were never terribly cheery - but never too wretched and imo sometimes pure beauty.

But now comes the raw real emotions that include the gloom & doom on bad days.
Some sure to be precious to me only moments, photos, idioms, whimsical insights. etc. on the good days. And let's throw in some panicked shortened lifetime chatterings just for fun. 
Disclaimer: There will be attempts at humor, sometimes very funny - relax and LOL! Humor is always good to hide behind. I even fool me! Guess that's kinda good...

As I write this post my brother Steve calls and I can not answer the phone as I will fall to bits, not just a hundred little puzzle pieces that my grand child's smile or a hug could piece me back together with.

I would shattered into a million pieces each so splintered that it would be painful to both parties to piece me back together. So I do not answer the phone. I can not answer as you see - Steve, my big bro who I adore...his wife, his life is in a very similar space as mine & Jim's.

I love you Steve & Lori. Let's hang onto life & until it's time to let go.


I began this in a couple of years ago and saved in draft at that time. I can not say where this post may have went had I finished it but I don't want to let it die:

 "Crocodile tears roll down into my ears. I lie in bed saddened that my mom does not know her oldest great grand daughter. Sad & mad that we picked a name like 'GG' to try to have her accept that she is a great grand mother and has a beautiful 13 year old great grand daughter."

Fast forward to 2014 and life has rolled on for all. These feelings have not so much. It sure feels like many more emotions are attaching to the singular thought of a woman who does not know her great grandchildren. It angers me more since my life is shortened.

One day I will finish this post or perhaps start anew. When I do I have no doubt crocodile tears will roll down. Of that I am certain.