Panick

 Why do I feel such panic??

It seems life is at a stall because I am so connected and so not connected.

I can not move forward because everything I do, want to do, need to do depends on someone else.

Am I in the fast lane alone waiting for everyone to catch up or am I racing through life passing everything up?

One day I will be a hermit.

Panic

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9 Months

Emotional balls of turmoil crash in the pit of my stomach as my baby girl tells me she is pregnant.

I struggle to keep my words and the tone of my voice clear, because my thoughts are shattered like a broken mirror. I choke down the lump that is strangling my voice, clear my throat and I ask: " Are you OK?"

Fast forward to day 4 of 9 months.

Baby girl calls and as though reading from a script exclaims: "I got sick this morning."

Morning sickness... My throat swells. The pain from holding back the flood of emotional waters hurts beyond belief. Pushing the emotions off switch, my brain gives her some advise on dealing with morning sickness. I can hear my voice but not feel my words. It is convincing.

Why do my feelings not run with joy & excitement? Instead my feelings decide to join devastation & despair in the pit of my stomach.

She needs me now more than ever, Get it together.

Love Bugs

Long time. I have so much to pour onto these posts, but later. For now enjoy the fornicating bugs. I Do

Waiting, Wishing Longingly for Hummers

The warmth did not last too long. But it was here long enough to trick the gray matter into thoughts of Hummingbirds.

Oh what joy dances through me!

I looked online for a Hummer migration map 

Surely they had made an appearance by now.

I was crushed to find out I may be rushing spring and all the little joys that follow.

How could my brain be so easily fooled? I spied with my own eyes the Daffodil buds ready to open wide any second, the green striped leaves of crocus pushed through the earth, the soft fussy buds of the Redbud and the Robin, the Robin who visited my feeder today.

No!

No, It is spring *clicks heels 3 times* I will put up the feeders and wait and wish for the sound of fast fluttering wings, chirping and chattering. My little friends. I know they will arrive.....soon

Recipe for Hummer feeders

1 part sugar to 4 parts water

Boil water first, then measure and add sugar at the rate 1/4 cup of sugar to 1 cup water

Let cool completely.

You can Store excess in your fridge, I think up to a week.

DO NOT add food coloring, honey or artificial sweetener!