Panick

 Why do I feel such panic??

It seems life is at a stall because I am so connected and so not connected.

I can not move forward because everything I do, want to do, need to do depends on someone else.

Am I in the fast lane alone waiting for everyone to catch up or am I racing through life passing everything up?

One day I will be a hermit.

Panic

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9 Months

Emotional balls of turmoil crash in the pit of my stomach as my baby girl tells me she is pregnant.

I struggle to keep my words and the tone of my voice clear, because my thoughts are shattered like a broken mirror. I choke down the lump that is strangling my voice, clear my throat and I ask: " Are you OK?"

Fast forward to day 4 of 9 months.

Baby girl calls and as though reading from a script exclaims: "I got sick this morning."

Morning sickness... My throat swells. The pain from holding back the flood of emotional waters hurts beyond belief. Pushing the emotions off switch, my brain gives her some advise on dealing with morning sickness. I can hear my voice but not feel my words. It is convincing.

Why do my feelings not run with joy & excitement? Instead my feelings decide to join devastation & despair in the pit of my stomach.

She needs me now more than ever, Get it together.