them about my cancer and dying and how much I will miss them, how much I want to be with them, how much I want them to be okay, how much I want to be okay. But then we aren't and in my dream I cry hard. I don't do that in life. The dream tears wake me. Each night they wake me & I'm crying real hard when I'm awake. And I don't know what to do. I can't fix it.
Does it kill me
Yes it does. I've been waking every night this week crying. Crying inside my dreams hard enough to wake me. Every freakin night this week. All dreams center around my girls. Each night I'm telling