The new journey to the end of my life. That sucks big (wonking wangy dangy how many cuss words can I fit in here) ones.

This may be what I rename this blog. Life has taken a turn for me, a big of fucking bad ass captain breast cancer part 2 defeatous and kill me now turn.

My ramblings, photos and such were never terribly cheery - but never too wretched and imo sometimes pure beauty.

But now comes the raw real emotions that include the gloom & doom on bad days.
Some sure to be precious to me only moments, photos, idioms, whimsical insights. etc. on the good days. And let's throw in some panicked shortened lifetime chatterings just for fun. 
Disclaimer: There will be attempts at humor, sometimes very funny - relax and LOL! Humor is always good to hide behind. I even fool me! Guess that's kinda good...

As I write this post my brother Steve calls and I can not answer the phone as I will fall to bits, not just a hundred little puzzle pieces that my grand child's smile or a hug could piece me back together with.

I would shattered into a million pieces each so splintered that it would be painful to both parties to piece me back together. So I do not answer the phone. I can not answer as you see - Steve, my big bro who I adore...his wife, his life is in a very similar space as mine & Jim's.

I love you Steve & Lori. Let's hang onto life & until it's time to let go.

I miss my sister

When my older sister and I became adults we went to a uppity hair salon and had our face shapes analyzed. Based on the analysis we had our hair cut by a top stylist. It was the most money I'm sure either of us had ever spent on ourselves for cuts.
As we sat giddy side by side, scissors snipped and in one smooth cut, our pony tails fell to the ground. We planned to donate our hair to Locks of Love.
My sisters hair was a gorgeous black, thick and naturally curly. She always hated it.
I always envied it.
After the cut  they showed her the best way to style her hair to take full advantage of the curls.
The method was squeezing chunks of hair while blowing it dry. The end result was amazing!

This morning I was blow drying my hair, squeezing chunks of it at a time and realized how much I miss my sister.
I miss you lady, your beautiful hair and your beautiful self. I really miss you.